Garbage man

Thing Two (while putting a candy wrapper in my pocket): You're a garbage man! I putted a candy wrapper in your pocket.
Me: I am NOT a man.
Thing Two: Well, then you are a trashy woman.

Veterans Day

Thing Two (holding a gummy sandwich candy up for me to see): This guy is going to have a gummy after the war!

Thing One (to Thing Two, who is eating gummies): You'd better go home and get some air support and surprise your team.

(Since it's Veterans Day, they talked about veterans at kindergarten today. This prompted a discussion about whether we know any veterans and, ultimately, a battle or "war" in the living room between boys.)

Candy chatter

Thing Two has a bag of Sour Patch Kids, Dapper Dad's favorite candy.

Thing Two: I going to save these. I going to share these with Daddy, Mommy and Bubba. (Insert about a minute of chatter, while he holds the bag.) I going to just have one, then save them for Daddy. (chomp, another minute of chatter) I going to have a green one for my second one. (chomp, chatter) I going to save the (chomp) Sour Patch Kids (gulp) for Daddy. Here a red one for you, Mommy. You like red Sour Patch Kids? (chomp) I have a yellow one for Daddy and a yellow one for me. (chomp, chomp) Here a green one for you. You have a red one and a green one. (chomp) Daddy likes yellow and orange. (chomp) This one for kitty. (chatter) I eat this one because kitty not in Mommy and Daddy's room. I eatin' it. (chomp)

Me: What are you doing?

Thing Two: I eat one more. Then I going to save for kitty, Mommy, Daddy and Bubba.

List

Thing Two lists the things he wants to eat: Pizza! And pahpoh (popcorn)! And amomomos (animal crackers)! And Bubba's candy! And dink (drink)! And fruit!

Making money

At our favorite coffee shop, they have candy machines that take quarters. Naturally, Thing One needs to spend quarters at the machines because his friend gets to. After Auntie gave Thing One a dollar for making change,

Thing One (handing the dollar to the barista behind the counter): I need four dollars.