Just a regular old bedtime

Thing Two (getting out of bed two minutes after being tucked in): I have to go to the bathroom.
Me: You just went.
(Holds his arms out)
Thing Two: Well, I have to go.
Me: Then go potty and get back in bed.
He does that.

Two minutes later ...
Thing Two (coming out of his room): My eczema patch! You forgot lotion for my eczema.
Me: Okay. (lotion lotion lotion) Now go to bed.
He does.

Two minutes later ...
Thing Two (coming out of his room): I need to blow my nose. Isn't that amazing? What's it going to be next? It's just amazing.

Not waste my time

Thing One: Mom, can you not waste my time while I go to the bathroom?

We all had to change socks

The boys went to play at the neighbors' house yesterday. Within 3 minutes of their arrival, Thing One tells this story.

Thing One (to the neighbor lady): Today Thing Two pooed on the potty and he standed up to get toilet paper and when he standed up some poo fell off his butt onto the floor and then someone stepped in it but we didn't know who so we all had to change socks.

Last chance

Thing One: Last chance. Last chance to see. I'm gonna flush.

Happy accident?

Thing One (after missing with the potty): Mom! Some pee got out of the potty.
Me (with clenched teeth while grabbing a wad of toilet paper): Wellllll, that's ooookay.
Thing One (cheerily): Yes it is!

Every time you see a rainbow

With Thing One sitting on the big potty and company waiting in the living room,
Me: Are you done?
Thing One (slowly singing, while possibly also composing): People love rainbows all the time. On this rainbow, they're just black and brown and dark and light. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Every time you're watching, every time you look, then there's always a rainbow. Every time you stop then you'll see a rainbow. Every time you hear a sound, you'll know it's someone looking at the rainbow.