Jobs

Overheard while the kids were coloring and discussing what jobs they could have to earn money.

Thing One: I'd pay you money to put out fires. Or to fix a roof when it gets damaged by hail. (Then a pause for some coloring and, apparently, thinking) Can you believe Dad gets money just for reading peoples' stories and fixing them?

This one is better without context

Thing One: I don't like when Daddy drinks when he's playing Wii.

Newsroom

The boys set up a newsroom with desks for themselves this afternoon. Thing One said his name was Timmy Tim Tim, and he works at a newspaper writing stories, drawing pictures and fixing mistakes. His desk is the art table in the dining room, and his markers stand up on his desk (but they fall down every time he moves). He has a stack of paper, a baseball, and candy on his desk. Thing Two has partitioned the dining room table into a cubicle for himself, he has a cash register (which serves as a computer/typewriter), some boxes and a stack of paper. His name is Pete, and he looks at other people's work and fixes their mistakes (like Dapper Dad). My name is Violet, and I make art on the computer. My cubicle is on the other side of Pete's on the dining room table. This is how we spent the afternoon. Although, it's the first office I've worked in where some of the office workers were climbing on others' desks and chairs while doing some sort of potty dance.

Pac-Man (part 1)

Day 1: Thing One wanted to make a Pan-Man board out of paper, so Nana helped him cut out thin blue strips for the edges, yellow pellets, and of course Pac-Man, Blinky, Inky, Pinky and Sue. We play a lot of paper Pac-Man on the coffee table.

Day 2: One level of Pac-Man is not enough for Thing One. He needs to do a pink level (2) and a yellow level (3). He also needs Dapper Dad to scout out the level beyond the yellow level on the video game to see what the proper color is, should we make a fourth level. He has not been able to do this yet. Meanwhile, I regret not buying a paper punch at Target earlier in the day as I cut lots of tiny pellets for each board. We all play more paper Pac-Man, a game where the speeds of the manually operated characters are highly irregular with three-year-old and five-year-old operators. I told Thing One my idea of making a Pac-Man birthday cake for Dapper Dad's brother-in-law. Now he wants the Pac-Man cake for his birthday party. "I'm really into Pac-Man right now," he said.

Day 3: Since the boards are made of strips of paper, I had the idea that we could draw them on a bigger piece of paper, eliminating the need to rebuild the board several times during a single game. Thing One liked the idea and wanted to use my special black art board so that the levels look more like the TV version with the black background. I suggested that he work on sketches of the boards so that he is happy with the final board we make on the (relatively pricey) black board. He made five sketches that get progressively better before finishing two more final sketches of the final board. This took much of the afternoon. And of course, one board isn't enough. We must do three in the right colors, so we need to analyze and rank the boards according to difficulty so that we can color code them properly (blue, then pink, then yellow). Also, we still play a lot of paper Pac-Man.

The importance of the hyphen

During a cleaning session, Dapper Dad lifted the recliner and was feeling around to get toys out from under it. He inadvertently put his hand in kitty throw up. He was so grossed out that he tipped the recliner all the way over so that it was upside down so that he could hurry to run and wash his hands. That's when he spotted a long-missing Star Wars guy tangled in the underside of the recliner. During the ensuing celebration, he left the room to wash.

Thing One (to me): Wow! Daddy's a good-looking guy!
Me (to Dapper Dad): That's random. Thing One thinks you're good-looking.
Dapper Dad: I think he means that I'm a good looking guy.
Me: That does make more sense.

Shitty blanket

Thing Two woke up Dapper Dad the other day, while kitty was laying on him.
Thing Two: Why Shitty sleep on you?
Dapper Dad: I guess Kitty is cold.
Thing Two runs out of the room and comes back with comforter from his bed.
Thing Two: Here you go, Shitty. Here a blanket for you. Shitty can lay here.

A long time ago

We came across a picture of the Lincoln Memorial in a book.
Thing Two: That guy dead?
Me: Yes. He died a long, long time ago.
Thing Two: When Daddy live with Dale?

Settling an argument

Dapper Dad was creating coffee and playing "Singin' in the Rain" on the iPod as the boys danced in the living room. At the end of the song in the movie, a police officer stares at Gene Kelly as he sheepishly walks away at the end of the dance. At the end of the song in our house, I heard:

Thing 2: No, Bubba, no, Bubba, NOOOOO! I not the peace-man! I not the peace-man! I not the peace-man! I am ... I am ... I am ... !

Thing 1: I'm Gene Kelly.

Thing 2: NO! I'm Gene Kelly! You the peace-man! I'm Gene Kelly!

Dapper Dad: BOYS! KNOCK IT OFF! YOU CAN BOTH BE GENE KELLY!

Candy chatter

Thing Two has a bag of Sour Patch Kids, Dapper Dad's favorite candy.

Thing Two: I going to save these. I going to share these with Daddy, Mommy and Bubba. (Insert about a minute of chatter, while he holds the bag.) I going to just have one, then save them for Daddy. (chomp, another minute of chatter) I going to have a green one for my second one. (chomp, chatter) I going to save the (chomp) Sour Patch Kids (gulp) for Daddy. Here a red one for you, Mommy. You like red Sour Patch Kids? (chomp) I have a yellow one for Daddy and a yellow one for me. (chomp, chomp) Here a green one for you. You have a red one and a green one. (chomp) Daddy likes yellow and orange. (chomp) This one for kitty. (chatter) I eat this one because kitty not in Mommy and Daddy's room. I eatin' it. (chomp)

Me: What are you doing?

Thing Two: I eat one more. Then I going to save for kitty, Mommy, Daddy and Bubba.

Grillin'

While Dapper Dad and I discussed which of us should go get a foil package full of fries off the hot grill,
Thing One (to Dapper Dad): You stay in here and let Mommy go burn herself.

One example of entering a conversation late

While having a discussion with Thing One about what to do if a bad person tries to trick you into getting into their car,
Me: Daddy and I will never send someone else to pick you up from any place. In an emergency, it would be someone you love in our family, like Nana or Papa or maybe Shannon. But probably just Daddy or me. We always have time to come and get you.
Thing One: It would just be you or Daddy or Nana or Papa--
Thing Two: Or Pencer (Shannon's dog). Pencer can get me on my shirt (grabs the back of his shirt).

3, 1, 3, Dance!

Thing Two: Today Daddy give me time out and I say, (in a raspy, hoarse imitation of himself) "Me want to get out! Me want to get out!" Then me say, "Dance, Daddy!" but Daddy no dance. Me say, "1, 2, 3, Dance! 3, 1, 3, Dance!"

Red herring

Dapper Dad (while looking for the TV remote): There it is! Oh, no. That's a gourd.

Do today?

Thing One (after waking up in the morning): What do you want to do today?
Thing Two: Play Daddy. No play Mommy.

Dance instruction

Thing One (to Dapper Dad): You dance like a ballet person. I'm going to dance like a crazy General Grievous.

Going to work

Dapper Dad is back at work after a long vacation.
Thing One (to me): Do you know why I go downstairs all the time?
Me: No.
Thing One: I want to go to work with Daddy every day. That way I wouldn't have to call him all the time.
Me: What would you do at work with Daddy?
Thing One: I'd stand next to him, and we'd have fun together.