Sticky

Thing One (after climbing in a pine tree and getting sap on his hands): My hands are all sticky. I've used soap four times, and it's not washing off. How can I live like this?
Me: It'll come off over time.
Thing One: Well, I'm NOT going to bed like this.

Harry Potter anachronisms

While playing Harry Potter Legos ...
Lucius Malfoy visits the students and eats lunch with them, while wearing his Deatheater mask. Later, Snape -- who is filling in for Lupin in Defense Against the Dark Arts class -- has to get his walkie talkie in order to be ready for parent pickup (the system they use at Thing One's school to pick up the kids).

Some caffiene

Thing One (making dialogue between Army guys): I need some coffee before I go to war.

Police justice

The boys like to pretend that they are police officers eating at a Mexican restaurant and that I am the server there. They also like to feed me lines, like this one:

Thing Two: Mommy, say (to me), "If you get that bad guy who's drinking alcohol and kill him, you can play Star Wars Lego Wii."

Newsroom

The boys set up a newsroom with desks for themselves this afternoon. Thing One said his name was Timmy Tim Tim, and he works at a newspaper writing stories, drawing pictures and fixing mistakes. His desk is the art table in the dining room, and his markers stand up on his desk (but they fall down every time he moves). He has a stack of paper, a baseball, and candy on his desk. Thing Two has partitioned the dining room table into a cubicle for himself, he has a cash register (which serves as a computer/typewriter), some boxes and a stack of paper. His name is Pete, and he looks at other people's work and fixes their mistakes (like Dapper Dad). My name is Violet, and I make art on the computer. My cubicle is on the other side of Pete's on the dining room table. This is how we spent the afternoon. Although, it's the first office I've worked in where some of the office workers were climbing on others' desks and chairs while doing some sort of potty dance.

Do today?

Thing One (after waking up in the morning): What do you want to do today?
Thing Two: Play Daddy. No play Mommy.

Tough negotiator

Thing One (to Thing Two): Let's play Little People.
Thing Two: No.
Thing One: Wanna play Little People?
Thing Two: No.
Thing One: Bubba play Little People.
Thing Two: Me too!
Thing One: Get the truck and the barn!
Thing Two: Yay!

Bedside manner

While playing doctor, Thing Two lays on a box that is supposed to be the examining table.
Thing One: You have a baby in you, and I'm going to cut your belly open with a sharp, sharp knife.

First day of preschool

Thing One explained how he played with six other kids and how they thought he was a pirate, but he really was a monster.
Me: Were they girls AND boys?
Thing One: Some of them were.

All the babies in the world

Thing One: I want ALL the babies in the world to come over to my house. I'd like to play and have fun with them. Each baby could go in Thing Two's bed. Do you think he would wake up and see all the babies over him? Do you think he would know their names? Would their moms and dads be there? Do you want to have all the babies in the world over?

I really, really like you

To Thing Two,

Thing One: I really, really like you, and I want to have fun with you and play with you every day!

Ten hours later ...

After Thing Two flung himself wildly about the couch during storytime and the boys clunked heads rather hard and amid the tears,

Thing One: I am NOT going to read books with you anymore! And I'm NOT going to share with you! And I'm NOT going to play with you again!