Poo!

Thing Two brings a Mr. Potato Head to me while I'm sorting laundry.
Thing Two: Poo. (pronounced PEW)
I examine the boy and find no telltale stench coming from the diaper. He hands me the Mr. Potato Head and points to the door on the backside.
Thing Two: Poo.
I shake it and hear potato-head pieces rattling inside. I open the door for him.
Thing Two (excitedly): Poo!

Robots

Thing One: I need to turn everyone who hasn't died into robots.
Me: Why?
Thing One: So they'll never die. Because robots don't die. Until the metal gets old.

Dance instruction

Thing One (to Dapper Dad): You dance like a ballet person. I'm going to dance like a crazy General Grievous.

Dale's neighborhood

On vacation, we passed a house near Dale where the roof is a hyperbolic parabaloid.
Thing One (upon seeing the house): What's with that funky little house?

Bob?

Thing Two (talking about Bob the Builder): Baaaaah Badoodoo!

Bama!

Any time Barack Obama's name is mentioned on TV,
Thing Two: Bama!

Your president

Me: Barack Obama is going to be your president.
Thing One: Not mine.
Me: Who's going to be your president?
Thing One: John McCain!

Election!

Thing One (to me): Are you going to cry because you're so happy?
Me: Maybe a little bit.
Thing One: Yes!

Christmas list

I asked Thing One if there was anything he wanted for Christmas (we had to know for a family drawing). After a few seconds of careful consideration,
Thing One: A laundry basket. Paper.
Me: Paper? Like, to color on?
Thing One: Yes. A little toyhouse.
Me: Like in Goodnight, Moon?
Thing One: Yes. And a new coffee cup. For you!

Election

Thing One: I want to be vice president.
Me: Well, how are you going to get started?
Thing One: You can get started for me.
Me: How will I do that?
Thing One: You get a microphone. And then we can turn the light on outside so that people will come. We could call Nana and Papa to come.
Me: What will you do when the people come?
Thing One: They could vote in here. We could live at Nana and Papa's house.
Me: Why would we live at Nana and Papa's house?
Thing One: So that people could vote here.

Going to work

Dapper Dad is back at work after a long vacation.
Thing One (to me): Do you know why I go downstairs all the time?
Me: No.
Thing One: I want to go to work with Daddy every day. That way I wouldn't have to call him all the time.
Me: What would you do at work with Daddy?
Thing One: I'd stand next to him, and we'd have fun together.