Ongoing...

Thing Two (whenever he encounters a situation where cussing is appropriate, and apparently those situations come up approximately 12 times per hour): Goodness gracious crisis!

Garbage man

Thing Two (while putting a candy wrapper in my pocket): You're a garbage man! I putted a candy wrapper in your pocket.
Me: I am NOT a man.
Thing Two: Well, then you are a trashy woman.

We'll always be there for you. Unfortunately.

Thing Two, to Mom and Dapper Dad: When I'm a grown-up, will you guys be dead?
Dapper Dad, reassuringly: No.
Thing Two, disgusted/disappointed: Oh.