Sticky

Thing One (after climbing in a pine tree and getting sap on his hands): My hands are all sticky. I've used soap four times, and it's not washing off. How can I live like this?
Me: It'll come off over time.
Thing One: Well, I'm NOT going to bed like this.

Wasting my life

Thing One and I picked flowers from the garden for a party this evening.
Thing One (standing in the garden while holding the vase): I'm wasting my life.
Me: What do you mean?
Thing One: I'm standing around not getting anything done.
Me: Oh.
Thing One: I'm wasting my life RIGHT NOW.