Giddyup

At cousin Marissa's birthday party, their family dog walked by. Thing Two marches by following the dog.
Thing Two (turning his head to me): Me ride him now?

Do today?

Thing One (after waking up in the morning): What do you want to do today?
Thing Two: Play Daddy. No play Mommy.

Protein

After I gave the boys fruit for a snack,
Thing One: Can I have some protein?
Thing Two: Me protein!

Mmm ... animals

Thing One (to his animal cracker): I'm going to dip you in chocolate and bite off your tasty head.

Catch phrase

Thing Two (any time, any place and spoken like a question): Me can't see [fill in the blank: Mommy, Daddy, Bubba, kitty, sippy cup, art table, boppy, book, fork, green light saber] anywhere!

Tough negotiator

Thing One (to Thing Two): Let's play Little People.
Thing Two: No.
Thing One: Wanna play Little People?
Thing Two: No.
Thing One: Bubba play Little People.
Thing Two: Me too!
Thing One: Get the truck and the barn!
Thing Two: Yay!

Small-market vs. large-market player

Thing One (while playing catch with himself in the living room): I play for the Red Sox. I used to play for the Twins, but I get more money now.

Be a kid

Thing One: I don't want to be a little kid anymore.
Me: Why?
Thing One: I want to be somebody to help people if they get hurt or something.

Roller coaster

After a day where the boys did almost nothing but bicker and fight and, specifically, 5 minutes after I broke up one of those arguments,

Thing One: I love (Thing Two). I really love him so much. I don't want him to die. I want him to live forever. I want everyone in the world to never die.

I think someone had help with this one

Thing One singing to himself to the tune of Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence": Hello kitty, my old friend. You come to BLAH on us again.

Fire

Thing One: [Thing Two], if you tried to walk into a fire, I would pull you out because you could really, really die.

Thing Two: Wow!

My little boys

While Thing One helped Thing Two into his sleeper sacks for the night,
Me: You're going to make a good daddy some day.
Thing One: I hope I don't have to work when I'm a daddy so I can stay home with my little boys.

Distracted?

Dapper Dad: Thing Two, do you want powdered sugar or syrup on your pancakes?
Thing Two: Me!
Dapper Dad (disgruntled sigh): Thing One, do you want powdered sugar or syrup on your pancakes?
Thing One: Pancakes.

Concerned citizen

I made hot chocolate for the boys, and as I put the marshmallow bag away, I put a marshmallow in my mouth whole.

Thing Two: No! Choke! Bite!

(He was worried I would choke and was instructing me to take a bite)

Surprise art

Thing One (at the end of the evening after making secretive art during the afternoon): Oh! I forgot to make the word on my surprise. On my art project. My surprise, but you can't look at it.

Me: You can go ahead a write your word.

Thing One: I don't know how. How do you write "Happy Birthday, Mom"?

We spell it out in letter stickers because I'm not allowed to look at the artwork to help him.

Thing One: I'm all done with my card-- my surprise.

Thunder

While talking on the phone, I heard loud banging from the bedroom. As I go to check it out, I find Thing One standing on an upside-down laundry basket flipping the light switch on and off while Thing Two bangs on the closet doors.

Me: Get down from there! And stop that. The light switch isn't a toy.
Thing One: We're making a thunderstorm.

List

Thing Two lists the things he wants to eat: Pizza! And pahpoh (popcorn)! And amomomos (animal crackers)! And Bubba's candy! And dink (drink)! And fruit!

What would I do without you?

After tonight's bath, Thing One squirted the water out of all the bath toys, put them in their proper bin and called me in to tell me he was ready for me to get his towel for him.
Me: You're such a good helper. Thank you for helping me. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Thing One: I don't know what I'd do without YOU. Because I can't drive, and I can't make food.

You are unwise

Thing Two likes to pretend he's Darth Vader when he calls out to Luke with increasing volume, "You are unwise to lower your defenses!" It comes out more like:

"Yah weh yah weh YAH WEH!"

Singing

Thing Two likes to sing, even though the words escape him. He sings the alphabet song with the good pitch:

"A B D B D B D. D B D B D B D ..."

The orchestral theme from The Phantom Menace (the one where Darth Maul fights with his lightsaber):

"Ha ba da. Ha ba da. Ha ba da. Ha ba da."

Most recently, Baa Baa Black Sheep. And of course the Imperial March and the Star Wars theme, sung in "dun"s.