Pledge of Allegiance

At preschool, they're learning the Pledge of Allegiance. I forgot about that until I heard this while Thing One was building a puzzle:
Thing One: I pledge allegiance to the flag from the United States to America.

New words

Thing Two learned four new words today: "apple," "bee," "please" and "butt."

Curly hair

After the second day of preschool,
Thing One: Mom, can Viviana come live with us?
Me: Who's Viviana?
Thing One: She has curly hair and she wears a ponytail, just like you.

Newspaper

While wrapping a gift in newspaper,
Thing One: Is this Daddy's newspaper?
Me: Yes.
Thing One: Is he done working on it?

Garbage lid thud

I heard the tell-tale thud of the kitchen garbage can lid. Knowing that Thing Two (18 months) was the only one in there, I checked to see what he had thrown away. It was a small piece of plastic that came from a roll of crackers. Apparently, he was done eating his crackers (he has an $18,000-dollar-a-day cracker habit) and knew where the garbage was supposed to go.

Bad-guy math

Thing One: What would happen if you have a bad guy robbing a train on a horse and behind him there was another bad guy on a horse?
Me: I don't know.
Thing One: Well, he wouldn't shoot the other guy because they're both bad guys.
Apparently, two bad guys cancel each other out, dangerwise.

Me!

While picking up a Darth Vader toy out of the Star Wars bin,
Thing Two: Me! (to the Imperial Theme from Star Wars) Dun dun dun dun da-dun dun da-dun.

Grendering

Thing One: Next time we make tacos, can I grender the cheese?

Civil engineering

Thing One built an elaborate train track around the floor of his room. He gave Dapper Dad the tour of it, including an explanation for several open spaces for Thing Two to sit among the track and play without knocking the track apart.
Thing One: ... and these are butt holes for Thing Two.

Making money

At our favorite coffee shop, they have candy machines that take quarters. Naturally, Thing One needs to spend quarters at the machines because his friend gets to. After Auntie gave Thing One a dollar for making change,

Thing One (handing the dollar to the barista behind the counter): I need four dollars.

Me!

At supper,
Thing One: Who wants to eat broccoli?
Thing Two (raising his hand): Me!
Me: Me!
Thing One coughs with a tiny bite of salt-covered broccoli in his mouth.
Thing One: Who wants to choke on salt?
Thing Two (raising his hand): Me!

See my vest?

Me: Is there anything you want me to knit for you?
Thing One: Five vests.
Me: Would you actually wear a vest if I made one?
Thing One: What do you do with a vest?

From the archives ...

The day after Christmas 2007, Thing One and I played with his new Star Wars guys. He wanted to be the bad guys, so I was the good guys. We sat in opposite corners of the room plotting how to "get" the other group. I made plans aloud to infiltrate the bad guys and rescue R2, then I paused to hear how he was plotting. He was holding Darth Vader and R2-D2 facing each other.
Vader: What are you going to be for Halloween?
R2-D2: A bad guy. What are you going to be for Halloween?
Vader: A robot.

Certain parties

After Dapper Dad dripped water on the table while mathematically divvying up the raspberries at lunch,
Thing One: Certain parties made a mess on the table!

I love your hair

While trimming Thing One's hair,
Me: Did you know you have great hair?
Thing One: Yes.
Me: You do. I like your hair.
Thing One: I love your hair. I love your ponytail. I love your face. I love all your body parts. I love you.

Glasses?

Thing One: Is I'm going to have glasses when I grow up?
Me: Probably.
Thing One: Because Grandpa didn't have glasses when he was a little boy and then he got glasses when he was bigger.
Me: That's right. How did you know that? Did he tell you?
Thing One: I saw pictures of him when he was a boy and he didn't have glasses. (on the photo boards at Great-Grandpa's funeral)

First day of preschool

Thing One explained how he played with six other kids and how they thought he was a pirate, but he really was a monster.
Me: Were they girls AND boys?
Thing One: Some of them were.

Trying to cheer up

After Great-Grandpa died last Tuesday, I was trying to explain death to Thing One.
Thing One: Why you have tears coming out your eyes?
Me: I liked Great-Grandpa a lot. I thought he was real swell. And I'm sad I can't talk to him anymore. And Great-Grandma is sad because Great-Grandpa was her husband. And Grandpa is sad because Great-Grandpa was his daddy.
Thing One (after a pause, as if to process that): I'm going to make cards for Great-Grandma and Grandpa.
Then he ran off to his art table to get started right away.

Joe Nathan blew it

After Joe Nathan blew a save against the A's, Thing One gets on his pretend telephone.
Me: Who are you calling?
Thing One: Daddy. (in a grouchy voice, into the phone) Joe Nathan hit a guy and blew it! (back to me) Daddy's going to call Joe Nathan and tell him.

Lost?

Me: Where's Thing Two?
Thing One: I don't know. Maybe in my bedroom. I hear his collar.
Me: That's Kitty.
Thing One: Oh.