After Joe Nathan blew a save against the A's, Thing One gets on his pretend telephone.
Me: Who are you calling?
Thing One: Daddy. (in a grouchy voice, into the phone) Joe Nathan hit a guy and blew it! (back to me) Daddy's going to call Joe Nathan and tell him.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Lost?
Me: Where's Thing Two?
Thing One: I don't know. Maybe in my bedroom. I hear his collar.
Me: That's Kitty.
Thing One: Oh.
Thing One: I don't know. Maybe in my bedroom. I hear his collar.
Me: That's Kitty.
Thing One: Oh.
Can we make a dugout?
Thing One: Can we make a dugout in our yard?
Me: We can't make a dugout because we don't have a baseball diamond back there.
Thing One: Well, we could get some balls and get some bats. We could get one more person, and that person could be the umpire. Mommy could be the hitter. Daddy could be the pitcher, and I could be the catcher.
Me: And then we could build a dugout?
Thing One: Yeah. Out of blankets and we could bring a whole big chair out and we could bring soft comfy blankets and we could have a hard surface so if we sit on it so we wouldn't zoom way down there under the seats or the people would just fall right out. And those things that would just hold it up, we could just get little bars maybe made out of pots or a stack of books. Don't you think that's a good idea?
Me: Yes.
Thing One: Okay. Let's do it after supper. We could ring the neighbors' doorbell and ask them if they want to watch our baseball game, and if they say "no," we'd just go the next ones. Let's do it after supper.
Me: We can't make a dugout because we don't have a baseball diamond back there.
Thing One: Well, we could get some balls and get some bats. We could get one more person, and that person could be the umpire. Mommy could be the hitter. Daddy could be the pitcher, and I could be the catcher.
Me: And then we could build a dugout?
Thing One: Yeah. Out of blankets and we could bring a whole big chair out and we could bring soft comfy blankets and we could have a hard surface so if we sit on it so we wouldn't zoom way down there under the seats or the people would just fall right out. And those things that would just hold it up, we could just get little bars maybe made out of pots or a stack of books. Don't you think that's a good idea?
Me: Yes.
Thing One: Okay. Let's do it after supper. We could ring the neighbors' doorbell and ask them if they want to watch our baseball game, and if they say "no," we'd just go the next ones. Let's do it after supper.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Moldy
After Thing Two takes off his shirt, notices his belly button and sticks his finger in it, he wants to see my belly.
Thing One (upon seeing my belly): Ewwww. It's moldy.
Thing One (upon seeing my belly): Ewwww. It's moldy.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Bam them or wham them
Halfway through Laurel & Hardy's Way Out West,
Thing One (with his hands clenched into fists): I don't want to watch anymore.
Me: Why?
Thing One: They're being loud and they're going to wake up that sleeping guy and the sleeping guy has something big and he might bam them or wham them.
Thing One (with his hands clenched into fists): I don't want to watch anymore.
Me: Why?
Thing One: They're being loud and they're going to wake up that sleeping guy and the sleeping guy has something big and he might bam them or wham them.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Very fast
After watching Usain Bolt break the world record for the 200m dash,
Me: He broke the world record. That means he ran faster than anyone has ever run that before.
Thing One: I can run that fast.
Me: You can?
Thing One: I'm a very fast runner.
Me: He broke the world record. That means he ran faster than anyone has ever run that before.
Thing One: I can run that fast.
Me: You can?
Thing One: I'm a very fast runner.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
From the archives ...
Conversation the morning of May 7, while I was at school and after Thing One had just gotten up,
Thing One: I tell Mommy my school is in Oklahoma, so she'll sing that silly song. (indeed, she does sing a showtune whenever the state is mentioned)
Dapper Dad: DON'T do that. We're trying to cut down on Mommy's silly songs.
Thing One: You don't like silly songs?
Dapper Dad: Not really.
Thing One: Do all mommies sing silly songs?
Dapper Dad: No, just your mommy.
Thing One: Why just my mommy?
Dapper Dad: I guess she's just special that way.
Thing One: Why don't you like special things?
Dapper Dad: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... Go to bed.
Thing One: I tell Mommy my school is in Oklahoma, so she'll sing that silly song. (indeed, she does sing a showtune whenever the state is mentioned)
Dapper Dad: DON'T do that. We're trying to cut down on Mommy's silly songs.
Thing One: You don't like silly songs?
Dapper Dad: Not really.
Thing One: Do all mommies sing silly songs?
Dapper Dad: No, just your mommy.
Thing One: Why just my mommy?
Dapper Dad: I guess she's just special that way.
Thing One: Why don't you like special things?
Dapper Dad: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Fake crying
In their beds in the morning with no one else around,
Thing Two: Aaaaaaahhh.
Thing One: (in a teasing voice): You're just fake crying.
Thing Two: Aaaaaaahhh.
Thing One: You're just fake crying.
Thing Two: Aaaaaaahhh. (starts to laugh)
Thing One: You're just fake laughing.
Thing Two: Aaaaaaahhh.
Thing One: (in a teasing voice): You're just fake crying.
Thing Two: Aaaaaaahhh.
Thing One: You're just fake crying.
Thing Two: Aaaaaaahhh. (starts to laugh)
Thing One: You're just fake laughing.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Who would win?
An ongoing discussion at our house is "who would win a battle between," with it a given that each competitor uses his natural weapon.
Thing One: Who would win between Count Dooku and General Grievous?
Dapper Dad: Count Dooku. Who would win between Mace Windoo and Ki-Adi-Mundi?
Thing One: Mace Windoo. Who would win between Grito and General Grievous?
Dapper Dad: That's easy. General Grievous.
Me: Definitely.
Thing One: Why?
Me: Because he's really tough. Who would win between The Emperor and Darth Vader?
Thing One: I think Darth Vader. Who would win between the Emperor and the Umpire?
Thing One: Who would win between Count Dooku and General Grievous?
Dapper Dad: Count Dooku. Who would win between Mace Windoo and Ki-Adi-Mundi?
Thing One: Mace Windoo. Who would win between Grito and General Grievous?
Dapper Dad: That's easy. General Grievous.
Me: Definitely.
Thing One: Why?
Me: Because he's really tough. Who would win between The Emperor and Darth Vader?
Thing One: I think Darth Vader. Who would win between the Emperor and the Umpire?
Friday, August 15, 2008
Just a boy
Thing One: I'm going to Java Train.
Me: Okay. See you later.
Thing One: You're coming with me. I can't drive. I'm just a boy.
Me: Okay. See you later.
Thing One: You're coming with me. I can't drive. I'm just a boy.
My bestest boy
Thing One: Thing Two is the best boy in the whole world. He's my really best boy. My bestest boy I ever had in the whole world. I ever had at any time.
Me: Why is he your bestest boy?
Thing One: Because I like him and he does everything in the whole wide world I like him to do. You just ask too many questions, Mom.
Me: Why is he your bestest boy?
Thing One: Because I like him and he does everything in the whole wide world I like him to do. You just ask too many questions, Mom.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The forever Band-Aid
After a skinned knee and a half an hour of crying topped off with a Spiderman Band-Aid,
Thing One: I'm NEVER taking this Band-Aid off. (He's afraid of the pain)
Me: Not even when you're a grown up?
Thing One: Never.
Me: So, you'll be grown up and have kids of your own and you'll still have this Band-Aid on?
Thing One: Yes. (In an modulated voice) "Dad, how'd you get your Band-Aid?" "I don't know."
Thing One: I'm NEVER taking this Band-Aid off. (He's afraid of the pain)
Me: Not even when you're a grown up?
Thing One: Never.
Me: So, you'll be grown up and have kids of your own and you'll still have this Band-Aid on?
Thing One: Yes. (In an modulated voice) "Dad, how'd you get your Band-Aid?" "I don't know."
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Me!
During the Twins game,
Things One: The score is two to zero.
Me: Who has two?
Thing One: Minnesota.
Thing Two (raising hand): Me!
Things One: The score is two to zero.
Me: Who has two?
Thing One: Minnesota.
Thing Two (raising hand): Me!
Scratch
After noticing a long scratch between Thing One's nose and lip,
Me: How did you get that scratch under your nose? Do you remember hurting it?
Thing One: It's just the guys that control my nose.
Me: How did you get that scratch under your nose? Do you remember hurting it?
Thing One: It's just the guys that control my nose.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Give you a baby
On having babies ...
Me: If you want a baby you can have one, and if you don't want to have a baby you don't have to have one.
Thing One: Ohhhhh. So, if you want a baby they'll give you one, and if you don't want a baby they won't give you one.
Me: If you want a baby you can have one, and if you don't want to have a baby you don't have to have one.
Thing One: Ohhhhh. So, if you want a baby they'll give you one, and if you don't want a baby they won't give you one.
Who wants to take a bath?
Thing One (excitedly): Who wants to take a bath?
Thing Two (not quite 16 months old, raises his hand while running to the bathroom): Me!
Thing Two (not quite 16 months old, raises his hand while running to the bathroom): Me!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Every time you see a rainbow
With Thing One sitting on the big potty and company waiting in the living room,
Me: Are you done?
Thing One (slowly singing, while possibly also composing): People love rainbows all the time. On this rainbow, they're just black and brown and dark and light. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Every time you're watching, every time you look, then there's always a rainbow. Every time you stop then you'll see a rainbow. Every time you hear a sound, you'll know it's someone looking at the rainbow.
Me: Are you done?
Thing One (slowly singing, while possibly also composing): People love rainbows all the time. On this rainbow, they're just black and brown and dark and light. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Every time you're watching, every time you look, then there's always a rainbow. Every time you stop then you'll see a rainbow. Every time you hear a sound, you'll know it's someone looking at the rainbow.
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