Reeeaaaach

Thing Two: If we turned the world upside down I could reach my toothbrush.

Sticky

Thing One (after climbing in a pine tree and getting sap on his hands): My hands are all sticky. I've used soap four times, and it's not washing off. How can I live like this?
Me: It'll come off over time.
Thing One: Well, I'm NOT going to bed like this.

Christmas wish

Thing Two: Know what I want for Christmas? A Lego Ninja set with a white ninja, black ninja, red ninja and blue ninja. And some Oompa-Loompas. And a Lego table with some Lego apples. Santa's house elves would probably have to make that, right? Because they don't make that set.

The mysteries of "Harry Potter" (or ahhh, the mysteries of love)

We've been reading Harry Potter, and now, deep into "The Order of the Phoenix," we've been analyzing every bit of evidence to figure out who is good or bad and what's really happening. Then, I overhear that the boys are doing the same thing in private:

Thing One: Lily Potter was mad at James Potter before they got married.
Thing Two: Yeah.
Thing One: Then why did they get married, right?

Harry Potter anachronisms

While playing Harry Potter Legos ...
Lucius Malfoy visits the students and eats lunch with them, while wearing his Deatheater mask. Later, Snape -- who is filling in for Lupin in Defense Against the Dark Arts class -- has to get his walkie talkie in order to be ready for parent pickup (the system they use at Thing One's school to pick up the kids).

Jobs

Overheard while the kids were coloring and discussing what jobs they could have to earn money.

Thing One: I'd pay you money to put out fires. Or to fix a roof when it gets damaged by hail. (Then a pause for some coloring and, apparently, thinking) Can you believe Dad gets money just for reading peoples' stories and fixing them?

Some caffiene

Thing One (making dialogue between Army guys): I need some coffee before I go to war.

Just a regular old bedtime

Thing Two (getting out of bed two minutes after being tucked in): I have to go to the bathroom.
Me: You just went.
(Holds his arms out)
Thing Two: Well, I have to go.
Me: Then go potty and get back in bed.
He does that.

Two minutes later ...
Thing Two (coming out of his room): My eczema patch! You forgot lotion for my eczema.
Me: Okay. (lotion lotion lotion) Now go to bed.
He does.

Two minutes later ...
Thing Two (coming out of his room): I need to blow my nose. Isn't that amazing? What's it going to be next? It's just amazing.

French toast and caramel fried bananas for supper

Thing Two: I don't want to be rude, but this French toast tastes like [unintelligible].
Me: What? Did you say it tastes like hippopotamus?
Thing Two: No! I said it tastes like DEAD hippopotamus.

Ongoing...

Thing Two (whenever he encounters a situation where cussing is appropriate, and apparently those situations come up approximately 12 times per hour): Goodness gracious crisis!

Garbage man

Thing Two (while putting a candy wrapper in my pocket): You're a garbage man! I putted a candy wrapper in your pocket.
Me: I am NOT a man.
Thing Two: Well, then you are a trashy woman.

We'll always be there for you. Unfortunately.

Thing Two, to Mom and Dapper Dad: When I'm a grown-up, will you guys be dead?
Dapper Dad, reassuringly: No.
Thing Two, disgusted/disappointed: Oh.

This one is better without context

Thing One: I don't like when Daddy drinks when he's playing Wii.

Special pockets

Thing Two (while wearing overalls): Look! These have special pockets. I can stick my hands all the way into my underwear!

Burn, baby, burn

While the boys are playing their new Batman Leapster game, the villian Firefly utters a confusing catch phrase.
Thing Two: Why does he say, "Burn, baby, burn"? Does he not like babies?
Thing One: No.
Thing Two: Does he not like his own baby?

The finish line

Thing Two (at supper): I'm eating my green beans. They're going down, down my neck.
Auntie B: You mean your throat, inside your neck?
Thing Two: Yes. They're going down my froat. My mouth is the starting line, and my butt is the finish line.

Tattle

Thing One: Mom! (Thing Two) says I'm tattling on him, but I'm not.

A wedding and a funeral

Thing Two (to Nana): One night, when Mommy and Daddy and Bubba and (Thing Three) and Kitty are sleeping, we can go to a funeral and kiss and get rings and be married!

Veterans Day

Thing Two (holding a gummy sandwich candy up for me to see): This guy is going to have a gummy after the war!

Thing One (to Thing Two, who is eating gummies): You'd better go home and get some air support and surprise your team.

(Since it's Veterans Day, they talked about veterans at kindergarten today. This prompted a discussion about whether we know any veterans and, ultimately, a battle or "war" in the living room between boys.)

Police justice

The boys like to pretend that they are police officers eating at a Mexican restaurant and that I am the server there. They also like to feed me lines, like this one:

Thing Two: Mommy, say (to me), "If you get that bad guy who's drinking alcohol and kill him, you can play Star Wars Lego Wii."